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Wednesday, 9 January 2019

“I Miss My Ex So Much… What Should I Do?” 5 helpful steps

There’s really two possible ways you can stop missing your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend and stop feeling so lonely and heartbroken all the time: either you can get over your ex and move on, or you can get back together with them.

If you’re not sure whether you want to get back together — maybe you’re on the fence about it and want to keep your options open — or if you’re dead set on winning your ex’s heart back and starting over with them, then you’ll want to keep reading.

Why Do You Miss Your Ex So Much?

I’ve said this many times in the past, but here’s the simple truth: breakups are one of the toughest things you’ll go through in life.

It’s completely normal to feel absolutely heartbroken when you’ve just been dumped, especially if it was a serious relationship and you’re still in love with your ex.

Trust me, I’ve been there, and I know how gut-wrenching it can be. You might feel like your life is over, like you’ll never be able to love again… it’s a whole lot of heartache, and I sympathize.

hormones in the brainWhat makes breakups so awful? Well, for starters, research has shown that on a neurological level, romantic love is a lot like a drug addiction.

Believe it or not, a breakup causes a very similar chemical response in your brain to that of a drug addict going through withdrawal. Your brain was chemically ‘dependent’ on your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, and you were psychologically dependent and accustomed to life with them at your side. And now, like a junkie in rehab, your brain is paralyzed by their sudden disappearance.

Now, I realize that knowing the science behind heartbreak isn’t really helping you feel any better. So let’s start with the first thing you should do if you miss your ex like crazy…

Step #1: Determine your chance of getting your ex back

For the majority of you reading this right now, you probably still have a good chance of undoing your breakup and winning back your ex.

Unfortunately, that may not be the case for some of you, and it may be time to give up and focus on moving on.

Step #2: Change your mindset to stop missing your ex

This is arguably the most important thing I’m going to tell you in this article, so pay close attention:

You can’t use words to win back your ex.

You can’t talk your way back into their heart or convince them to take you back, no matter how charming you might be.

no begging exTrust me on this. After working with tens of thousands of clients in your shoes, I know for certain that the only real way to win back your ex is to change their perception of you.

You need your ex to let go of any negative memories and feelings about you… and you need to re-build real, organic attraction to the point where he or she simply won’t care about any of the ‘logical’ or ‘rational’ reasons for breaking up with you.

Words or gifts or love notes will NEVER help you win your ex back.

The proper way to move forward if you want to get a second chance with your ex is to focus on yourself and the things within your control… this will allow you to re-shape how your ex feels about you, and re-build their attraction to you until they simply can’t resist the urge to take you back.

Step #3: Remove any reminders of your ex for now

This one is pretty simple.

You don’t want to be constantly reminded of your ex throughout the day, so now is a good time to pack up any photos, notes, gifts, etc that could remind you of your ex. Just put them all in a box and throw it in the basement or out of sight somewhere (temporarily).

Once you win your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back (or when you’re fully over them and ready to move on), you can re-open the box and put back the items that remind you of him or her.

Step #4: Stop talking to your ex for a month

If you made mistakes already since breaking up (such as begging your ex for another chance, gushing your heart out and telling them how much you still love them, etc), then you may first need to use my Clean Slate Message to undo the damage from those past mistakes. Most of the time, however, you can safely just begin the 30 day No Contact period right away.

“No Contact” means, with very few exceptions, ZERO communication.

Don’t give in and randomly text your ex at 2am…

Don’t play along if they send you a message saying “i miss you” or something confusing like that…

And absolutely do not try to meet them in person, call them up for any reason, or stalk them on social media. Delete your ex’s contact details from your phone if you must.

Only reply to their calls or texts if it’s absolutely critical to do so. (What’s important enough to justify breaking No Contact? Only very serious stuff, such as if he or she asks, “are you paying the rent for our apartment this month?” or “can you take our cat to the vet today?”)

Other than in those rare critically important situations, it’s best to simply ignore your ex altogether… don’t respond, and don’t reach out to them at all for the full 30 days (or more!).

Step #5: Occupy yourself and stay as busy as possible

OK, you’ve started your 30 days of No Contact… that’s great. Now you’ve got a month or so to focus on yourself, and the most important thing during that month is to STAY BUSY.

Occupy your time with fun or productive activities that will take your mind off your ex and put you in a better position to win them back once the No Contact phase is over.

Look, I know this isn’t really what you want to hear right now. I realize that doing things like going to the gym, making new friends, or picking up a new hobby may not feel like they’re going to help you stop missing your ex.

a confident womanThe truth, though, is simple: if you can stay occupied and keep busy for the next month or so while you’re not talking to your ex, you’ll be doing the best possible thing you can do to get through the worst of your heartbreak… and at the same time, you’ll also be improving your odds of getting your ex back once the 30 days of No Contact are over.

So no matter how much you may not feel like meeting up with friends tonight, or taking on another project at work next week, or calling up an old friend who you haven’t seen in years… do it anyway!

As silly as these things may seem, they WILL help you feel better, and they WILL improve your odds of getting a second chance with your ex.

Other Ways To Stop Missing Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend

Ganging out with friends and family is the easiest thing to do, so make sure you fill your social calendar for the next few weeks. Don’t turn down any invite to a party, a drink after work, or a baseball game on the weekend… say “yes” to anything and everything!

If you’re an introvert, then getting out of your comfort zone might mean joining a club or taking a night class at a local college.

If you’re really social, maybe you can try tandem skydiving or take a backpacking trip around a foreign country. It doesn’t matter what it is, or who it’s with — just do it!

dating coupleThese things will keep your mind off the breakup, and help you stop missing your ex so much.

And one final note on this topic: you should go on dates with other people as soon as you possibly can.

It doesn’t really matter whether you actually like the person you’re going on a date with, and it’s fine if you don’t see them again. Just getting out there and spending time with someone of the opposite sex is a big step that will help you get more comfortable living without your ex, while at the same time making yourself appear more “high value” in the eyes of your ex.


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